Mirrors

Maaf…

Semua tingkahku yang membuatmu berduka…

Semua ucapanku yang membuatmu gundah…

Semua pandangku yang membuatmu terdiam…

Setulus hati maaf ini terucap…

Dan kumaafkan…

Semua pandangmu yang menusuk
Semua ucapanmu yang mengiris…

Semua perlakuanmu yang menyisihkan…

Semua luka yang kau patrikan….

Kulepaskan…

Sosokmu yang begitu kuat…

Keberadaanmu yang begitu mematri…

Dirimu yang ternyata begitu berarti…

Jiwamu yang kini tenteram di sisi Kasih Sejati…

Dan kurelakan…

Senyummu yang kini takkan bisa kulihat…

Sapamu yang kini takkan bisa kudengar…

Pelukanmu yang kini takkan bisa kurasakan…

Pergimu yang tak mengatakan apa-apa padaku…

Tidak perpisahan…

Tidak kata bangga akan pencapaianku…

Dan rasanya jawaban itu takkan terungkap…

Yang ada hanya rasa sesalku…

Karena aku tak ada disana saat kau pergi…

So you stop running…
So you turn your back…
So you reach out your hand…
So you keep me close…
So you don’t want to let go…

So I turn my back…
So I walk to you…
As the light slowly vanished in a far…

And I don’t want to see it…
And I don’t want to hear it…
And I don’t want to talk about it…
And I don’t want to feel it…
And I don’t want to smell it…
………………………………
And I don’t want to forget it…
And I don’t want to loose it…

AARGHHH…..SO SICKENING!!

Hontou no kizu wa itama nai yo
(True wounds, don’t really hurt)

Koe to kotoba naku shite
(
I just simply lose my voice and words)

Tada namida ga afurete kuru dake
(
and the tears start to flow)

Risou ni michita ano goro no
(Once I was full of ideals)

Kokoro wa ima wa are hate
(
but now my heart has become desolate)

Mujun bakari no jibun wo ikiteru
(It’s a contradiction, but I need live my own way)

I don’t wanna cry no more.
I don’t wanna cry cry cry

Ato dono kurai na no
(
How much longer will it last)

Ato dono kurai cry cry
(
How much longer must I cry cry)

Tsuyogari dake wo buki ni shite
(My only weapon, was bluffing)

Tatakatte kita yowamushi
(
I was fighting like a coward)

Kimi wa zenbu shittete kureta ne
(
You were the one who understood it all)

I don’t wanna cry no more.
I don’t wanna cry cry cry

Nakitai kurai na no
(
I almost want to cry)

Kowareru kurai cry cry
(oh will this loneliness)

I don’t wanna cry no more.
I don’t wanna cry cry cry

Ato dono kurai na no
(
How much longer will it last)
I don’t wanna cry cry cry

–credits to Nakashima Mika for her beautiful songs–

Ochirunda…Atashi wa ima ochirunda…

Falling….Now i’m falling…

Ochiru…Atashi yami ni ochiru…

Falling….I’m falling in to the darkness….

Dareni…dareni mo …kitzukanai…

No one…no one realized…

Atashi wa hitori ni ochirunda….

I’m falling alone…

Kuruushii yo…Kanashii yo…

It’s hurt…it’s sad….

Anata no te wo sagashite…

Searching for your hand…

Anata no koe wo sagashite…

Searching for your voice…

Demo…doko ni mo inai…

But it’s nowhere to be found…

Anata ga atashi no sobani wa inai…

You’re not on my side…

Anata ni totte…atashi no zonzai wa taisetsu jyanai desu ka…

To you…is my being not important…

Anata ni totte…kono kanji wa shitsuyo wa nai desu ka…

To you…is this feeling unimportant…

Jikan o kieru mama ni kanji…

A feeling that would be gone by time…

Ima..atashi wa ikiteru…

Now i’m alive…

Ochiru mama ni ikiteru…

Living while falling…

Dareni…dareni mo kitzukanai…

No one…no one realized…

Dare ni..dare ni..atashi o…tasukette…

Someone..someone…please help me…

Jibun wo kieru wa yada…

I don’t want to loose myself

Dakara…dare ni..atashi no koto…tsukamatte…

Someone…please catch me…

Dakishimete…

Hug me…

Sobani itte…

Be by my side…

~D~

Atashi wa baka mitai…

Baka mitai…kimi no denwa ga mattekuru…

Baka mitai…kimi no tegami ga mattekuru…

Baka mitai…kimi no koto omoimasu…

Baka mitai…kimi no koto aitakutte…

Baka mitai…kimi no hanashitai…

Baka mitai…kimi no koto wasurenai…

Hontoni…atashi…baka nan da ne?Sonna atashi…kirai desu…dai dai kirai desu…

Even today my heart goes to you constantly
You’re dangerous, but that doesn’t stop me anymore.

All day I write down my thoughts and continue tomorrow with the sorrow that fills me up again.

Even thought it hurts I laugh like this
It’s the first time my eyes have been satisfied.
My heart is swollen with the tears I’ve kept inside,
but if it’s for you, I’ll be alright…

As I’m lonier, as more tears fall, I somehow I find a sudden strength to go on.
When I’m weary from the saddness, hurt by hate, I might just have to let you go…
I already know… that my wait is going to be longer than my life…

I want to hold you, I want to love you
until I’m assured that my feelings won’t ever change.
I’m willing to lose all my wishes, just to have one person.
I only want this wish to come true
when it’s you, I’ll be happy.      

Anata e,
doshite kana? Lately I felt hurt so bad…doshite kana? Is it just one of those
periods where suddenly you felt down out of nowhere? Why everyday I felt like
something weighing my head, my soul and the whole of my existence? What is it?
Why all I can do is just sigh and dream about this very existence that is not
supposed to be there? Why I can’t do all my work because of this? What is this?
Why I felt like something suppressing my heart and make me suffocate? Why do I have
to feel this way? What the heck is this feeling anyway?!? Why it won’t go
away?!? Why everyday I felt like I want to shed a tear, like there’s something
hurting me a lot but actually it didn’t. Heck, I don’t even know what that is! Why
is it? Damn, it is hurt, it is tiring, and why won’t it stop? What is it?

-zutto
anata no mono-

D

Anata e…how are you? Are you fine out there? I’m just fine right here, it’s just…a lots of thing happen in my life…

Anata, do you know? People say that on the opposite of sadness, lies something called smile. It’s that true? Sometimes you walk through endless darkness without ever seeing the way out. Sometimes you just stood there without the willing to reach out from the darkness and think…what am i waiting for?

My bright Anata, you’ve once said to me, In order to chase our dreams, we can’t have a reason to run away.
Because like a boat that opposes the stream, we have to walk straight on. You always believed that In a place worn down by sadness something called a miracle, is waiting. But do you realize Anata, we are still searching for the sunflower that grows at the end of spring. Is there?  Is there not? 

Anata…why are you stood still? Why are you, like a bushi standing inside the light, grasp the star so tight? And why are you trying to reach inside the darkness?

Anata….you are…so warm…those wings you used to lift me are so kind…but why i feel despair? Why did my heart ache? Is my heart already got used to darkness that i’m hurted by the light? Have i relying too much on the moon? Have my wings become featherless?

But then you say ," Just go foward, just a little further…" and somehow someday i believe i can fly with these featherless wings….

Anata…where are you now? What are you doing now? Have you eat well?Have you eat well?Although right now i can’t feel your presence…but someday…it must be a day where i found my end spring’s sunflower.

Right now, As the rainclouds break, the wet streets sparkling. Although it brings only darkness…
But i can see a powerful, powerful light helps push us to walk on. Anata…is that you?

-Zutto Anata no mono-
D